Seriously, Who Are You Forgiving?

Forgiveness. It’s something many of us are taught when we are young to “do”. You ask for forgiveness when you have caused harm to another person. You ask an authority or religious figure for forgiveness when you have broken a “sacred rule”. You ask for forgiveness when you couldn’t keep a promise or broken something valuable, and so forth. But seriously, what are you forgiving?

I’d like to question, if my act of forgiveness is indeed self-centered. Now wait a moment before your mind starts judging self-centered activities as something “bad”, let’s leave the judgement out for the moment to see if there is any truth is what the writer is portraying. Not because I want you to believe me - in fact I rather you wouldn’t. This is an investigation into oneself. So if you are willing, let’s question it together.

So what is forgiveness and when is it necessary to forgive? Is it necessary at all? Let’s say you call me something - a scoundrel. I get hurt and I may yell back some equally painful words, break-up with you if you are my girlfriend or boyfriend, etc. My mind records and stores that “hurt” as memory. Now I could choose to let time “heal” or I look to some external agency to help me find a way to be “forgiving”. But the fact is that I have recorded that in my memory and as long as I come into another situation where it could potentially happen again, I am cautious, not trusting, I may be suspicious in my relationships with people and all the things hurt does to a person’s mind.

At some point I may finally come to my senses and forgive you. This could last years; it could last a life-time! And in that time, we let it interfere with our lives with other people who had nothing to do with that event, potentially taking away what could have been a very special life thriving in the present rather than letting the past dwell its way into making the present nothing but a dull painful navigation activity for the brain.

Now, let’s go back for a moment. You call me a scoundrel. I say to myself it means nothing; I don’t know what that word means and therefore I don’t store anything at all about it. I don’t store the experience nor that necessity of it.

Now this is not out of apathy please that is not what the writer is portraying. If I am not hurt by your statement, then there is nothing to forgive - follow so far? If I was to record your statement, I would have a reference to which I can work through - a meaning, a definition. And the meaning of that word. which I have learned from the past, gives action to the present moment, and I retaliate. That act of retaliation is learned from accumulating information about my self from the past. I have an image of who I am, what I like and don’t like, my experiences or knowledge telling me that I need to retaliate, etc. Now isn’t it that image which I created of “me” is what gets hurt? As long as I give power, meaning to that image, I leave myself completely at the mercy of my past.

Isn’t forgiveness an act of love?

If I have a need to “forgive”, or I have a feeling of “regret”, can I know love, compassion? As long as I get hurt, I may never know love. Love doesn’t know hurt because love doesn’t measure. It doesn’t compare. It doesn’t exist in a definition or image. The moment you try to define it is the moment love is nowhere to be found. In any relationship, when the “me” is involved, in other words, the image of “me”, then it is always the driving factor of that relationship. “I” am always expecting, measuring, comparing, afraid. And it leaves itself with the ability to be “hurt”. As long as I get hurt, I need to find a way to “free” that hurt and I use the idea of forgiveness. And that forgiveness comes from fear, outside influences from the past, or the “let it go” phenomena which is the same thing.

Therefore, as long as the “me” is driving your actions and interpretations, as long as the me is finding the need to forgive, you are actually satisfying the “me/ego-self”. It gets hurt, and then seeks forgiveness. The me is always gathering, comparing, judging, expecting, seeking. Therefore when cultivating love or compassion, aren’t I actually cultivating it using the “me”? Even as far I say, I am currently not compassionate, so I must be compassionate - I’m going to forgive everyone that has done “me” harm and meditate to cultivate love inside of “me”. All these actions are being driven from the me -the ego-self!

Compassion and Love are not cultivatable

So is compassion, love - are these beautiful qualities possible to cultivate at all when the mind is constantly entrapped in its own battles? How can a hurt mind, love? How can a mind that is not hurt, ever find the need for forgiveness at all? Compassion is not something of the mind and a mind that is seeking forgiveness is doing so out of it’s own fulfilment not to be hurt again.

So what does one do? When the mind is still, meaning it is not seeking to become anything, to fix anything, to judge anything, to expect anything from anyone, in other words, to be completely nothing, then in that state you will find compassion. In that state, there is understanding that the it’s the “me”s nature to seek growth, to become, do more, have more, respect, acceptance, righteousness, purpose. If one has insight into this, then you will see that it has no place in love and compassion, and any cultivation of any kind, of goodness, etc through any method or system or mind control, is neither love, nor compassion.

Love and Light,

GC